I wish they would stop shoving it in my face.

Today ( this was written on Sunday) was really hard for me. Its hard for me to admit that. But it has just been rough. It hit me right in the face, that next Sunday was going to be Cody and Jeannies last Sunday. I have been trying to reassure myself and trying to trick myself into thinking that they weren't leaving, just to make myself feel better. So all day I have just been trying to feel better. Well it went down the crapper al my efforts. I decided to go to the newcomers Ice Cream social that my church has for all of the newcomers. So I went with my family. My friend Libby and me were talking about how different the Youth Group is going to be and we went down to Codys office to talk and stuff. Well I decided to go up stair's and see if my parents were ready to leave because I was getting really bored of being at the church. So my parents were still talking so I went to leave and Molly ( Not real Name) came up to me and said how much she liked my contacts. And that I have beautiful eyes and so on and so on. The she said, I bet your really sad about Cody and Jeannie. Geeze thanks for that. Its ok if I bring it up because I am trying to make myself feel better or trying to get over those feelings by talking, but right now I wasn't in the mood. I was feeling vulnerable so I tried to back out. So I gave her a simple nod and turned my head, Hoping that she would get the hint and stop shoving it in my face.
Molly- Drew ( not real name also) and I plan on getting very involved doing things al the time with you guys teaching classes planning activities and so on. So don't worry well do stuff.
Me- Yeah cool.. Turn head again.
Molly- You and them were really close huh.
about now I think she should have backed off. Of COURSE they were close to me and I think she should have stopped right then, I wasn't in the mood for this.
Me- Yeah we were ( getting that awful chocked up sounding voice, on the verge of tears)
Molly- How do you feel about them leaving?
About this time I figured my best bet was to just walk away, so I did. She followed me! Not even kidding you followed me! If she had any intelligence she would have gotten the hint that I was NOT in the mood!
Molly- Are you sad or mad?
Me- Yeah I am, but that's how everyone feels when I really close friend moves away. I am glad they are doing what they want to do, And I am happy they are going to finish up their college degrees, they are going to do great things.
Molly- Yeah but its going to be ok, you can still stay in touch with them.
Me- Yeah I know.

Now while she was forcing me to have a conversation with her, one of my contacts popped out while I was rubbing my eyes trying not to cry. Because when I cry my face gets REALLY red and my eyes are really bloodshot, from not even crying very long. But obviously she didn't care if I wanted to talk to her or not.

So I basically wish people would stop calling me and telling me how sorry they are, I am tired of people telling me that its going to be ok and that I should stop crying. I can cry if I want too!! I am sorry of people telling me how close we were. Because I think I know how close I was to them. I would know how good of friends we were. I don't need someone to shove it in my face.

But I do appreciate the people who are there when I want to talk, and for those who don't tell me that its going to be ok, and tell me that its ok to be sad. Because its ok. And I know we'll still stay in touch. But for now, I really want people to stop shoving it in my face, because if I wanted to talk to them, I would initiate the conversation, or some other way, but not by shoving.

I am driving on the highway tomorrow, I am terrified.